Throwing himself into dating or another relationship may temporarily make him feel better — but it only postpones the inevitable inner work that needs to be done.
- The Separated Dad, Part 1 – Red Flags | Lucy Goes Dating!
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It amazes me how many men are two, three, even five years or more into their separation, and still not officially divorced. We know that the marriage is done. It symbolizes the completion of an old life — a finished chapter — as well as the freedom and independence to create a new future ahem, and a new relationship, possibly with you!
Maybe it has gotten messy. He may not even be aware of it. As they say, actions speak louder than words.
Dating As A Separated Dad
Anger is a normal and healthy phase for your separated man to go through. Your separated man could be angry at many things: Often, his anger will be directed towards his wife — not necessarily through long rants but through small jabs, backhanded remarks and seething sarcasm disguised as humour. How incredibly draining for you. Whatever the case may be, these kinds of circumstances are extremely stressful for him, which will inevitably ripple into your relationship together in some way s.
What this means for you, however , is that you have a rebounder on your hands; a rebounder with some major inner work and big responsibilities in tow. Without a doubt, child support payments are a huge responsibility and a source of emotional and financial stress for many men.
Please, before you buy into his tale of woe, veer on the skeptical side. Child support payments are based on the cold hard numbers reported by both spouses in their tax returns. Numbers are numbers; they speak for themselves. Like it or not, he has financial responsibilities in taking care of his kids, period. He might feel he deserves more of a say, more control over how she spends the money, among other things.
Dating As A Separated Dad
Not very attractive down there, is he? Hardly sexy in a potential new partner either. Whether he was the perpetrator of infidelity or the victim, the tailwinds of cheating bring an ugly stench to the divorce process. That being said, if your separated man was unfaithful in his marriage, you need to proceed very slowly and spend extra time assessing his character, behavior, and moral code.
Two important warning signs to watch for are self-justification and blaming.
Though his reasons for cheating were probably very valid and real to him, he and he alone decided to problem-solve his unhappiness by betraying his wife. Depressed, angry, and mistrustful. If your separated man was cheated on by his wife, these fallout emotions will likely rear their heads in some form as you get to know him. In most cases, they are from women never married or with children who have met or fallen for a divorced father.
Watch Out! Dating A Separated or Newly-Divorced Man
I promise that paying attention to these four signs and putting up guardrails to protect you will guarantee your heart remains unbroken. Ignoring them and you do so at your own peril.
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- ‘Time’ isn’t the only factor when considering dating a separated or recently divorced person;
Divorce is a gut wrenching, life wrecking event. Regardless of how bad the marriage, how long he slept in the spare bedroom , and how happy he is to be free of her, no man comes out the other side of divorce unscathed. He will have wounds, often deep, that need time to heal. Woe be to the woman who begins a relationship with the newly divorced man or worse, a man who is still separated.
He will carry all that baggage guilt, hurt, anger with him and set it in your lap. I emphasize divorce, not separation. This is bona fide, papers in hand, divorced. Instead, be plutonic please! Circle the th day on the calendar, and when it arrives go have another look.
The Separated Dad, Part 1 – Red Flags
The heart you save by doing this will be your own. You are inviting more drama into your life than you can possibly imagine. Most men overplay their hand when talking about the ex because it shields them from personal responsibility for why the marriage ended. Response — If he consistently and aggressively talks about how horrible of a person his ex-wife is then my advice — run. Bitterness, anger, resentment are plants that can choke the life out of everything around them. Poor relationships between ex-spouses invariably include drama — and his drama will become your drama.